I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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