marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
