i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
