I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
