am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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