Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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