What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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