I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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