How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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