i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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