Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
