i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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