I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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