Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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