sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
