the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
