Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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