Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Someone shattered a urinal.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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