I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
