Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
