ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
