Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
