you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
