Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
