If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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