And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
