How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
