Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
