sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
