the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
