to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
