So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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