So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
