dude i'm inner monologue high
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
