Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
