I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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