She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Two words: blizzard sex
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
