Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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