sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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