I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
