Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
