I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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