nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
