What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
