I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
