you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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