Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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