Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
