I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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