Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
