If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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