Im at strip club and am horny
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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